I am struggling. I have a billion things to do and I should be asleep but I need to write out this stress.
In the next week I have 3 assignments due, a submission for The Melbourne Globalist, a marketing case, things to chase up on for Nationals. I’m interning twice a week at the Melbourne Writers Festival and it’s been great so far but my time just seems to slip through my hands. Things at home have been difficult lately and I’m so tired of the extra stress. I’ve also set myself the near impossible deadline of having finished all my course work by the end of week 11 so I can start exam revision. Exam timetable is coming out this Friday so hopefully it will be good news and not 4 exams in the first week. Some days I just want to lay on the floor and cry.
It feels like my life is a never-ending roller coaster of unexpected. That can be fun sometimes but right now I just want some time to breathe. Summer flipped my life upside down and I feel as though I still haven’t stopped spinning. No time to even try and turn things right side up again though. This month I came to the overwhelming realisation that the corporate world I’ve been working so hard to get myself into this past year isn’t at all where I want to go and instead I want to pursue the ridiculously foolish and uncertain path of being a poor writer or an underpaid worker in the social sector. I want to read, and write and get involved with a million different not-for-profit projects but I still want to do well at uni and maintain the relationships I value. I feel like I’m being pulled from so many different directions I don’t know where to even begin to look for a little space to rest. I can feel anxiety starting to build up again, the kind I occasionally felt in high school and I feel a little helpless. I’ve spent far too long crying this past week.
I don’t want to stop blogging but I’m not sure where I’m going to continue to find the time as exams draw nearer. I’m finding it stressful to be around people, but so lonely to be without. I’m a whole bunch of contradictions at the moment and I think I might make myself sick if I don’t find a way to let it all out. Hopefully this post will help me relieve some stress or maybe just some courage to face the day tomorrow.
Until next time, whenever that might be, thanks for reading.