It’s day 4 of my long weekend – to be repeated every week! Thank you Unimelb timetabling!
So I formally withdrew from my exchange to Waseda and now just I need to withdraw from my Diploma of Japanese. I’d been putting it off but turns out the exchange advisers at Melbourne Uni actually follow up on unsubmitted forms…
Classes are turning out to be quite enjoyable. Despite swearing never to touch accounting I was persuaded to enrol in first year accounting which is turning out to be pretty interesting; my management subjects look promising and microeconomics is probably still going to be my favourite subject despite a waffling lecturer. Five hours straight of lectures on Wednesday afternoon was surprisingly bearable – hopefully it will stay that way. Being out and around uni was a pleasant change to my week spent being sick at home. I managed to run into a few friends and catch up between classes. Everyone is much the same after the summer – not that I expected much to change.
There’s been a little drama in my life lately to do with friends that has been troubling me a little bit. But instead of boring you with the details I’ll do a little bit of general pondering about unspoken expectations and disappointments:
I wonder why we so often we set ourselves up for disappointment without realising it. We all live in the centre of our own worlds with rose coloured glasses forming assumptions about the people around us. We build upon these invisible foundations of beliefs expectations about the actions and obligations of those people around us.
Strangely though, the closer we get to people, the more we tend to forget that all our expectations could be built upon completely mistaken assumptions, whilst all the while we come to think those very mistaken beliefs more and more infallible. Over time we forget to articulate our feelings and expectations because we assume that they should simply ‘know.’ We assume the person we took the time and effort to understand a year or two ago will be the same forever, that their passions and motivations don’t change, and that we ourselves have not changed. Perhaps that is why some people say you take for granted those closest to you.
We are all creatures of comfort, and having a perfect understanding of a person’s character and behaviours is perhaps one of the greatest comforts of all in a world full of uncertainty. Yet this sets us up for the greatest of disappointments – betrayal by the people you love most. Slowly but surely, life will change those around us without our realisation and if it is too far from what we expected we tend to become a little strange.
When reality doesn’t match with our expectations and understandings we often end up waiting. We give it time to adjust back to what we expected and hoped for. Instead of adjusting ourselves to change we choose to give those around us invisible deadlines to meet our unspoken expectations. We stubbornly remain in the belief that our understanding is infallible, that promises made years ago can still be upheld today, and that should those promises be broken it is only because those around us make conscious decisions to hurt us.
It seems strange that we should let ourselves be disappointed when reality turns out to be different to what we expected when those expectations were made while swimming against the current with our eyes shut. Is it any wonder that when we do open our eyes we find we have been swept somewhere completely foreign and unexpected? Might we not have been better off at least having our eyes open to see where we were going or perhaps even to steer a little?
Lastly, again on how amazing Melbourne is, I was lucky enough to get tickets to the Australian Ballet’s free performance at the Sidney Myer Music Bowl on Friday night. Van and I got there early armed with a picnic rug and food to get a good seat on the grass. It was a lovely night. The air was warm, and the quiet murmur of families and friends filled the air, punctuated by the occasional excited squeal of an aspiring young ballerina as her mother swapped her walking shoes for ballet slippers. The performances were beautiful as well. The acts from Swan Lake and Don Quixote especially were spectacular both in dance and costume. It’s unbelievable what the human body is capable of. I was convinced at times that the ballerinas were actually just pieces of paper in the shape of people controlled by some invisible thread.
That’s all from my ordinary life today. Thanks for reading 🙂